Honour-Based Abuse: 5 Key Facts about Forced Marriage

Honour-based abuse is a form of abuse used to control someone in the name of “honour”, “reputation” or “family standing”. It can include forced marriage, threats, violence, monitoring, isolation and intense pressure linked to relationships, sexuality, education or life choices. Although it may be framed as cultural or traditional, it’s about control and coercion at its core.

This guide explains how honour-based abuse and forced marriage present in the UK. It sets out common warning signs, how risk can escalate, what to listen for in disclosures and what to do if you are concerned. It’s for parents, teachers, healthcare professionals, safeguarding leads and community members who may notice early indicators or receive a disclosure.

The aim is to help you recognise patterns, respond safely and understand the reporting routes and legal protections available. Victims can be children or adults, male or female. The principles of safeguarding apply in all cases.

What is honour-based abuse, and what are the warning signs?

Honour-based abuse often operates through rules, surveillance and consequences. The person at risk may be told their behaviour affects the family’s reputation. Everyday choices – who they speak to, what they wear, who they date, where they study or work – can become tightly controlled.

Control may be enforced by one individual or by several relatives acting together. That group dynamic is important. Information can move quickly between family members or community contacts, and pressure may come from multiple directions at once.

The language used often reveals the mindset behind the control. You may hear phrases such as:

“You’ve shamed us.”
“You’ve dishonoured the family.”
“People will talk.”
“You are bringing disgrace.”
“We will fix this.”

Risk can escalate quickly, particularly after events that attract attention or gossip. Relationship changes, pregnancy, requests for divorce or separation, or resisting family expectations can increase pressure.

Common indicators include:

Strict rules about clothing, friendships, social media or daily movement
Monitoring of phone and location, including demands for passwords
Threats of being disowned, thrown out or harmed
Pressure to marry, reconcile a relationship or “repair” reputation
Multiple relatives enforcing rules or sharing information
A visible fear response when the person thinks family members might find out something

Because honour-based abuse can involve several family members, it may not centre on one obvious perpetrator. Pressure can come from multiple relatives at once, and roles may shift. Someone who appears supportive in one setting may reinforce control in another. This collective dynamic can make the situation harder to recognise and harder for the person at risk to challenge.

What is forced marriage, and what are the warning signs in the UK?

Forced marriage in the UK is a type of honour-based abuse. It’s usually identified through a pattern of control and coercion, not a single obvious moment. Many people at risk do not use the term “forced marriage”, but they may talk about pressure, fear or “having no choice”.

They might also talk about specific events that raise concern, such as plans for sudden travel abroad, restrictions on education or friendships, confiscation of documents, or increased monitoring of their movements.

Many victims worry that speaking out will negatively affect their siblings. In some families, if one child refuses a proposed marriage, discloses abuse or runs away, pressure may shift to a younger sibling instead. The message can be explicit – “If you won’t do this, your sister will” – or implied through changes in how siblings are treated. That possibility can create intense guilt and silence, because the young person may feel they are choosing between their own safety and someone else’s.

They may also fear criminal consequences for their parents. Even where control or abuse is present, family relationships can be close and complicated. A young person might worry that disclosure will lead to arrest, prosecution or community stigma for a parent they still love. That emotional conflict can make silence feel safer than seeking help.

Disclosure can feel impossible for many victims. As a result, concerns often surface indirectly – guarded comments, sudden changes in plans or signs of increased control – rather than a clear statement of what is happening.

Forced vs arranged marriage – what’s the difference?

People sometimes confuse arranged marriage with forced marriage. Consent is the key.

In an arranged marriage, families may introduce potential partners and support the process. However, the people getting married choose freely, and they can say no at any stage. In a forced marriage, one or both people do not consent, and coercion and manipulation are used to make it happen.

Coercion can be obvious if it involves threats or physical violence. It can also be subtle; for example, someone might experience emotional blackmail or pressure about family honour. The victim may also be made to feel responsible for their relatives’ well-being and prosperity.

Importantly, coercion often includes removing independence, such as limiting movement, taking a passport or controlling finances.

Arranged marriage – the person can refuse, and the family respects that refusal, even if they feel disappointed.
Forced marriage – refusing has serious consequences, such as pressure, threats, surveillance or attempts to control movement, communication or travel.
Arranged marriage – the person can speak privately with the proposed partner, ask questions and take time to make decisions.
Forced marriage – someone monitors communication or blocks private contact between the two people. They may also set deadlines.
Arranged marriage – both people consent without being pressured to do so.
Forced marriage – consent is removed entirely, or it is forced, staged or “performed” to satisfy others.

Sometimes families describe a situation as “arranged” to reduce scrutiny, but the key question is whether the person genuinely feels able to refuse. You might say, “Lots of families introduce partners. I want to understand whether you feel safe to say no.” That keeps the conversation respectful while still exploring risk.

Marriage law and age in England and Wales

In England and Wales, the legal minimum age for marriage and civil partnerships is 18. Since 27 February 2023, 16 and 17-year-olds can no longer marry with parental consent. This change closed a loophole that previously allowed family approval, which overrides concerns about pressure.

This matters in honour-based abuse cases because some families still rely on outdated assumptions about age and consent. A young person may be told that marriage at 16 or 17 is lawful if parents agree. It is not. The law is clear.

Legal age, however, is only part of the picture. Forced marriage can affect adults as well as children. A ceremony described as religious or cultural can still involve coercion, even if it doesn’t go through a civil process. Safeguarding decisions should focus on consent, control and risk rather than on the label used for the event.

Where misinformation is being used to pressure someone, clear language can reduce fear. For example:

“In England and Wales, you must be 18 to marry. No one can give consent on your behalf.

You always have the right to refuse, whatever the ceremony is called.”

What is forced marriage, and what are the warning signs in the UK

Warning signs of forced marriage in the UK

Start by looking for changes. A sudden shift in behaviour, routine or freedom can be a sign that pressure to marry has increased. Meanwhile, an isolated sign in a stable context may mean something else. It’s the cluster that matters.

Common warning signs in the UK include:

Sudden restrictions on friendships, clubs, sports or after-school activities
Increased anxiety about being collected from school, work or appointments
Frequent phone calls or messages from family checking location and timing
Seeming frightened of making small mistakes or being “found out”
Unexplained absences, especially around school holidays or the end of term
A sudden announcement of travel plans with vague details or odd urgency
Pressure linked to “family reputation”, “shame” or “what people will say”
A history of controlling behaviour at home, including curfews and surveillance
Older siblings or cousins who married very young, moved suddenly or left education

Some people will test the waters with half-disclosures. For example, they might say “My parents have someone in mind” and then look for your reaction. If this happens, respond calmly and without judgement. A neutral, supportive response can give them confidence to share more.

A practical way to assess risk is to ask: “What happens if you say no?” If the answer includes threats, violence, confinement, removal of money, phone or documents, or being taken abroad, then you should treat it as high risk.

Warning signs at school

Schools and colleges are often the first settings where honour-based abuse becomes visible because they observe changes over time. The concern is not ordinary attendance issues or teenage conflict; it’s increasing control, fear and restriction linked to family reputation, relationships or travel.

Risk becomes clearer when changes connect to pressure about “honour”, sudden secrecy or loss of independence.

School-based warning signs can include:

Repeated absences that follow family conflict about relationships or behaviour
Extended or sudden overseas travel with unclear return dates
Withdrawal from PSHE, relationships education or school trips after concerns about dating or friendships
Sudden restrictions on extracurricular activities or friendship groups
Visible anxiety about being collected from school or about information being shared with family
An older sibling or relative insisting on attending meetings and refusing private discussion
Talk of being “engaged”, “promised”, or “sent away”, especially when the student appears distressed
Urgent travel plans that coincide with rumours, pregnancy, a relationship becoming known or exam periods

Indirect disclosures are common. A student may say they have “no choice”, are being “sent abroad”, or ask questions about passports, legal age or whether teachers must inform parents. These comments are significant when linked to fear or escalating family control.

Where honour-based abuse is suspected, the issue is not behaviour alone. The key question is whether the student feels able to make decisions freely and safely.

If a student raises concerns, follow safeguarding procedures carefully. This usually includes seeing the student alone, recording their words accurately, informing the Designated Safeguarding Lead promptly and avoiding family contact until risk is assessed.

National statutory guidance such as Keeping children safe in education reinforces that the student’s safety must come before attempts at mediation or family engagement where honour-based abuse is suspected.

Warning signs in healthcare settings

In many cases, healthcare settings may be the only place where a person can speak away from family. However, perpetrators often attend appointments to control the narrative. Therefore, the ability to create a private moment is essential in primary care, A&E, sexual health clinics, maternity services and mental health services.

Warning signs in medical settings can include:

A patient who is never allowed to speak to healthcare staff alone, even to ask basic questions.
A relative insists the patient cannot speak English, refuses professional interpreters and answers on their behalf. They may control paperwork or refuse to allow privacy.
Frequent presentations with anxiety, panic, insomnia, headaches or stomach pain.
Injuries that don’t match the explanation, or repeated “accidents”.
Self-harm, suicidal thoughts or distress linked to family conflict.
Requests for urgent contraception, pregnancy testing or sexual health treatment where the patient appears fearful about family finding out.
Requests for “proof” of virginity or surgery to “restore” virginity.

If a patient asks about virginity testing, immediately treat it as a red flag for coercion. You should also consider safeguarding and domestic abuse pathways.

Importantly, always use professional interpreters rather than family interpreters. A family interpreter can filter information and threaten or punish the victim after the appointment.

If a victim discloses honour-based abuse, focus on their immediate safety. Ask short questions:

“Are you safe to go home today?”
“Is anyone waiting for you outside?”
“Have you been threatened about marriage or travel?”
“Is your phone monitored?”

If you need national safeguarding context in healthcare, NHS England safeguarding information can help teams align local procedures and escalation routes.

Sudden travel or holiday plans

Sudden travel can signal escalation. In some forced marriage cases, people are taken abroad under pressure or without full information. Travel may be framed as a family visit or holiday, but it can be used to increase control and reduce access to support.

Risk rises when the journey feels compulsory. Warning signs include urgency, secrecy, vague plans, lack of a confirmed return date, or the person not controlling their passport, phone or money. If they do not feel able to delay, refuse or speak privately before travelling, treat the situation as high concern.

Indicators that travel may link to honour-based abuse and forced marriage include:

There are vague plans, such as “We’re going to see relatives” without details.
Travel involves one-way tickets, extended stays, or unclear return dates.
The person does not control their passport, phone or money.
Travel follows relationship conflict, pregnancy or a disclosure to school or GP.
The person casually jokes about or makes indirect references to marriage before travel, especially if the person quickly minimises it or changes the subject.
The person seems frightened, tearful or reluctant, yet says they “have to go”.
The family becomes suddenly strict about school attendance or documentation.

If you suspect risk, gather practical details in a calm way:

Destination country and city
Travel dates and flight details, if known
Who is travelling with the victim, and who is meeting them
Whether the person has a passport and where it’s stored
Whether the person has a safe way to seek help

Safety planning must be realistic. In some situations, a person may be able to memorise an emergency number, keep a copy of travel details, or agree on a code word with a trusted professional. In other cases, even small actions – hiding a document, deleting a message or asking questions about the trip – could increase risk if family members are monitoring them. Do not suggest steps without first checking whether they can follow them safely.

Isolation, monitoring and control

Isolation is often the mechanism that makes coercion work. When someone cannot speak to others privately, cannot leave the house freely, and cannot access friends or professionals, they have limited options. As a result, they may comply just to reduce danger.

Isolation and monitoring can look like classic coercive control, yet it may include extra layers, such as extended family surveillance and pressure from the community. Therefore, you should take it seriously even if the person says, “It’s normal in my family”.

Indicators include:

Being stopped from attending an education setting, work or activities that build independence
Having a phone checked, calls listened to or messages monitored
Being required to share live location or video calls to prove where they are
Passwords demanded for email and social media
Money controlled, bank accounts restricted or wages taken
Being punished for “talking back”, spending time with friends or dating

Control can also target the victim’s personal identity. For example, they may be pressured to change what they wear, who they speak to, how they practise their religion, or what future they pursue. Meanwhile, the person may be told they are selfish for wanting independence. That message can create a sense of deep shame.

The following factors indicate a higher risk:

Does the person have private access to a phone?
Can they attend appointments alone?
Can they leave the home without permission?
Can they refuse demands without fear or punishment?
Do multiple relatives enforce rules?

If the answer to several of these questions is “no”, risk is higher. At that point, specialist support and careful safety planning become essential.

Missing episodes and confinement

If the victim goes missing for long or short periods, this can signal immediate risk in forced marriage and honour-based abuse cases. Sometimes a person goes missing because they are escaping. Other times, they are missing because family members have taken their phone, locked them in the house, moved them to another address or taken them abroad. Missing status should be treated as a potential safeguarding emergency when there are also other indicators.

Warning signs linked to missing episodes include:

A pattern of going missing after family conflict about relationships or “honour”
Sudden disappearance at the start of school holidays, or right after exams
Family members giving inconsistent accounts of where the person is
A person returning with new restrictions, fear or injuries, and then going missing again
Sudden withdrawal from education with vague explanations such as “home schooling”

Confinement can be physical or practical. A person might still leave the home, but only when being escorted, or only to “approved” places. They may have no key, no money and no private time. Some families also use sleep deprivation, constant shouting or threats to keep a person compliant. These methods can lead to a mental health crisis, self-harm or risky escape attempts.

If you are a professional and someone goes missing, share relevant risk information quickly with the police and safeguarding partners. Include any concerns about forced marriage, travel and honour-based abuse. Time matters. The earlier the police understand the context, the more effectively they can respond.

Threats, violence and blackmail

Threats and violence are common in forced marriage and honour-based abuse. They can be direct threats to the person, or threats to people they love. Perpetrators may use shame and reputation as weapons, especially in communities where gossip spreads fast.

Common tactics include:

Threats of being disowned or thrown out – even when the victim is reliant on the perpetrators financially
Threats of physical violence, including “discipline” framed as tradition
Threats to take the person abroad or remove them from education
Threats to harm siblings, a boyfriend or girlfriend, or a friend
Threats to share private photos, messages or rumours
Threats linked to immigration status, even if the threat has no legal basis

Risk often escalates when a relationship becomes known or suspected. That might involve dating someone outside the family’s expectations around religion, caste, ethnicity or sexuality. It may follow a pregnancy, a request for divorce, a same-sex relationship or even online contact judged to be inappropriate. In some cases, families act quickly to arrange a marriage to “repair” the individual’s and family’s reputation or to regain control.

Blackmail relies on fear of humiliation. A person may be told that gossip will destroy the family, that younger siblings will suffer, or that relatives abroad will be informed. Under that pressure, someone may agree to a marriage to stop escalation, even when they feel frightened or trapped.

Where threats or violence are present, treat the situation as high risk. Encouraging confrontation or negotiation can increase danger. The priority is safety, specialist advice and, where needed, legal protection.

Naming the behaviour clearly can help. For example: “Threats and control are abuse. You have the right to be safe, and there are legal protections available.”

When to call the police

People sometimes hesitate to act when they see or hear signs of honour-based abuse and forced marriage because they fear they have “got it wrong” or are overreacting. However, in these cases, delay can increase risk – especially when the victim could leave the country.

Use this simple decision rule: immediate danger means you should call 999.

Call 999 if:

Someone is being assaulted, threatened with immediate violence, or restrained.
A person is being taken to an airport, station or unknown location against their will.
You believe travel is imminent – within hours or on the same day.
There are credible threats to kill or seriously harm the person.
A child is missing, and forced marriage indicators or travel concerns exist.
You believe the person cannot safely return home today.

Call 101 if:

There is no immediate danger, but you need police advice or you want to report concerns.
You want to share intelligence about escalating pressure or planned travel.
A person wants to make a report in a planned way, with support present.
You need guidance on protective orders such as FMPOs.

If you are supporting someone, explain police options in a way that restores their sense of choice and agency. For example: “If you feel in danger right now, we can call 999. If you want to talk to the police without an emergency response, we can call 101 and ask for advice.”

Remember that safeguarding does not depend on criminal proof. You can act on risk and still respect the person’s wishes, as long as you don’t leave them exposed to immediate harm.

What to say if honour-based abuse is disclosed

When someone tells you they fear forced marriage or honour-based abuse, your first response matters. If you sound shocked or doubtful, they may shut down. On the other hand, a calm, steady response can build trust and keep the person engaged. Consider this a crucial opportunity to help them.

Start with belief and reassurance:

“Thank you for telling me.”
“I believe you.”
“You haven’t done anything wrong.”
“You deserve to be safe, and you deserve a choice.”

Next, clarify the victim’s safety. Keep your questions short and practical. For example:

“Are you safe right now?”
“Is anyone waiting for you today?”
“Do you have your phone and passport?”
“Are there plans for travel or a ceremony soon?”
“Who knows you have spoken to me?”

Then explain confidentiality carefully. Do not promise secrecy if you have safeguarding duties. Instead, say something like: “I will only share this with people who need to know to keep you safe, and I will try to involve you in the next steps.”

Here’s a simple script you can use, especially in schools and healthcare settings:

“I’m really glad you told me. I’m worried about your safety, and I want to help without making things worse. Let’s think about what is the safest course of action today, and who we can contact who will protect you.”

That wording signals urgency without giving the sense that you, or they, should panic. It also reduces the pressure on the person to have all the answers.

What not to do

In forced marriage and honour-based abuse cases, well-meaning actions can increase danger. The biggest risk often comes from alerting perpetrators that the person has disclosed their situation, as it may prompt harm, isolation or urgent travel abroad.

So that you don’t raise suspicion, avoid these actions:

Do not contact parents, relatives or community members to “check the story”.
Do not invite family members into meetings with the victim, even if they insist.
Do not use family members as interpreters, or share messages through them.
Do not suggest mediation, negotiation or “family discussions”.
Do not send letters home, leave voicemails or send emails to email addresses others can access.
Do not encourage the person to confront the perpetrators or “stand their ground” without a safety plan.
Do not delay action if you believe travel is imminent or violence is likely.

Also think about digital safety. A text message can trigger punishment if someone monitors the victim’s phone. It’s best to ask: “Is it safe to contact you? Which method is safest?” If the answer is “none”, then use professional pathways that don’t rely on contacting the person directly.

If you work in a professional setting, follow your safeguarding procedures – but don’t let admin and protocols slow down urgent protection if it’s needed. For detailed professional practice guidelines, the multi-agency statutory guidance on forced marriage is a useful reference point.

How to contact the Forced Marriage Unit

The Forced Marriage Unit (FMU) is a joint Foreign, Commonwealth & Development Office and Home Office team that leads on forced marriage cases involving the UK. It provides advice to professionals, supports individuals at risk, and can coordinate action in cases involving overseas travel.

The FMU can:

Give immediate advice on risk and next steps
Support professionals managing a safeguarding case
Liaise with police, local authorities and UK embassies
Help British nationals or dual nationals who are overseas and at risk
Advise on emergency repatriation to the UK in some cases
Provide guidance on Forced Marriage Protection Orders (FMPOs)

It does not replace local safeguarding procedures, but it offers specialist expertise, particularly where travel or overseas risk is involved.

You can access the official government contact information for the Forced Marriage Unit here.

Because perpetrators may monitor phones, messages or email, plan contact in a way that doesn’t increase risk. Consider:

Whether the victim’s phone is monitored
Whether it is safer to call from a work phone, school phone or a trusted friend’s device
Whether email is safe, or whether someone checks the inbox
Whether the person needs a code word for future contact
Whether the person has a safe way to leave the building after disclosure

If the person is overseas or about to travel, time is of the essence, and you will need to act urgently. Contact the FMU and police immediately. Keep any details you gather accurate and specific, such as names, dates of birth, destinations and travel plans, because that information helps agencies act quickly.

Forced Marriage Protection Orders (FMPO)

Forced Marriage Protection Orders are court orders designed to protect someone who is at risk of forced marriage, or someone who has already been forced into an unwanted marriage. An FMPO can set clear restrictions on perpetrators and can also require actions that reduce risk, such as surrendering passports or stopping travel plans. Because each case differs, the court can tailor an FMPO to the individual’s situation.

Here are some examples of what an FMPO can do:

Prevent a person from being taken abroad
Require respondents to hand over passports
Restrict contact, intimidation and harassment
Prevent arrangements for a ceremony or engagement
Require disclosure of the person’s location in some situations

FMPOs can be used for adults and children. In practice, local authorities often apply on behalf of children, although adults can apply themselves. Third parties may also apply in some circumstances. The key point is that an FMPO focuses on protection, so it can be a vital tool even when the person doesn’t feel ready to pursue a criminal case.

For an official overview and the process, start with the UK government guidance on forced marriage protection orders and the UK government page on applying for an FMPO. These pages explain where to apply and what to expect.

If you are supporting someone to learn about and consider an FMPO, use simple, reassuring language:

“This order can stop people from taking you away.”
“It can limit contact and threats.”
“It can give you breathing space to plan safely.”

Also, connect them to legal advice and specialist support, because court processes can feel daunting when someone is already isolated and scared.

Summing up

Honour-based abuse and forced marriage rely on fear, secrecy and control. When you understand the patterns, risk becomes easier to recognise.

Warning signs include increased monitoring, sudden travel, missing episodes, threats linked to family “honour” and pressure after relationship conflict or pregnancy. In schools, attendance and behaviour shifts may surface first. In healthcare, controlling relatives and signs of coercive control can indicate escalation.

Act on risk, not certainty. Don’t wait for the victim to make an explicit admission or tell you about a confirmed ceremony date. Notice clusters of concern, record disclosures carefully and escalate safely. Avoid family mediation where you suspect abuse and keep safety at the centre of every decision.

Follow this quick safety checklist:

Listen without judgement and thank the victim for telling you about their situation.
Check the individual’s immediate safety, including travel risk.
Keep contact safe by asking whether their phone and messages are monitored.
Share information only with safeguarding leads and services that protect them.
Get specialist advice early through the Forced Marriage Unit.
Consider legal protection such as Forced Marriage Protection Orders when risk is high.
Call 999 for immediate danger and 101 for police advice when there is no emergency response needed.

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