Conflict Management: Strategies for Resolving Disputes Peacefully

Even the most easy-going of us will encounter conflict at some point in our lives. Conflicts can occur in our personal lives, for example in friendships or romantic relationships, and in our professional lives when we experience issues with colleagues, managers or clients. Conflict can also arise in social situations, such as when we complain about poor customer service, or other situations such as disputes with neighbours or when we disagree about the way our children are treated at school.

Conflicts often arise because our expectations do not align with our experiences, we perceive we (or someone we care about) are being unfairly treated or penalised in some way or because we have unmet needs. Understanding the root cause of the conflict makes it easier to move towards a solution. 

When we experience conflict, the way we approach reaching a resolution can influence how things play out. If we are defensive, awkward or combative, the process is going to be a difficult and negative one; however, if we try to approach the situation with empathy, an open mind and a desire to solve the problem we may be able to find a peaceful solution that is satisfactory to everyone involved. 

If we are open to resolving conflicts peacefully, we are more likely to foster positive outcomes and prevent hostile situations from escalating. This can avoid wasting valuable time and energy on negativity and arguments and will enable us to reach a mutually beneficial solution more quickly and more easily. 

Peaceful dispute resolution is helpful across a range of different types of conflict and has both long- and short-term benefits:

• Resolving disputes at work peacefully avoids the situation escalating and a grievance being raised and promotes a positive work and collaborative environment
• Resolving family disputes peacefully promotes unity and avoids isolating family members or forcing people to take sides
• Resolving custody disputes peacefully is better for the children involved and allows them to have continuity of care and it reduces stress and upset
• Disputes that occur during projects can delay completion which has a knock-on effect on clients or the end-user; resolving such disputes peacefully enhances teamwork and collaboration and avoids delays
• Resolving disputes between neighbours peacefully allows everyone to move on from the situation and live harmoniously, rather than dragging the situation out or risking it escalating
• Conflict resolution skills are vital for those working in customer service roles. Resolving disputes involving customer complaints peacefully increases customer loyalty and enhances the reputation of a business

In this article we will explore some practical techniques and strategies to support the peaceful resolution of conflict. By taking steps to resolve disputes amicably and peacefully you can save time and avoid hefty legal fees that you may be liable for if the issue has to go to court. 

Open Communication 

Open, honest and respectful communication forms the backbone of peaceful dispute resolution. This includes communicating clearly, understanding the other person and maintaining a respectful tone and use of language. Yelling, swearing or using negative body language (eye rolling, tutting, folded arms etc) can come across as defensive or even aggressive and may exacerbate the situation or cause a complete breakdown in communication. 

Active listening can play a pivotal role in facilitating open, honest and respectful communication. Active listening is a set of communication techniques that may have a key role to play in dispute/resolution, such as:

• It can help you to hear and listen to what the other party is saying
• It can help both parties to express themselves more clearly
• Helps you both to focus on a balance of facts and feelings during the conversation
• Reduces tension and defensiveness during the exchange
• Allows disputes to be resolved more effectively and peacefully

When we use active listening techniques, we promote open communication and make the other party feel that we are listening and engaged with what they have to say. Active listening shows that we are empathetic to what the other person is saying and can turn a conversation from people simply taking turns to talk, into a meaningful interaction.

Active listening includes techniques such as:

• Looking for verbal (spoken) and non-verbal (body language) cues
• Maintaining polite eye contact, for example keeping eye contact and staying engaged but not glaring or staring intently
• Trying to avoid interrupting
• Being engaged in the conversation and not distracted by your phone or other stimulus
• Providing acknowledgement of what the other person is saying (such as by nodding)
• Listening without judging
• Asking clarifying questions (where appropriate)

Open communication supports cohesion, collaboration and compromise in dispute resolution.

Collaboration and Compromise

Collaboration and compromise are fundamental components of peaceful dispute resolution. In a dispute, when we work together towards a cohesive goal and both parties are willing to make concessions, we are almost guaranteed to be able to reach a resolution. 

A commitment to collaboration and compromise: 

• Gets the conversation moving more quickly
• Helps to keep discussions relevant
• Avoids wasting time on arguing and pointless back and forth

When we are engaged in a dispute, it can be tempting to purposely antagonise the other party. In the spirit of collaboration and compromise, avoid behaving in this petty manner and try to act with maturity, kindness and compassion. 

You may want to bring someone along to offer support, such as a friend, relative or other representative, to any discussions or meetings. You should avoid bringing anyone along that may aggravate the feelings of the other party (such as bringing your new partner along to meet up with your ex or bringing your kids along in a custody dispute). 

Sometimes people benefit from attending mediation with a professional third-party mediator – we will discuss this in more detail later on in the article.

• Try to stay on topic when you are both talking – remember the goal is to resolve the dispute peacefully rather than rehash every negative feeling you have ever had towards this person
• Be realistic in what you are saying rather than over exaggerating for effect
• Try not to get defensive as this may inflame the situation and reduce the chance of a peaceful outcome

Goal setting and compromise play an important role in resolving disputes. If you are working towards a cohesive goal, you are more likely to be able to resolve the dispute peacefully and successfully. 

Let’s imagine an unmarried couple break up and can’t agree on how to divide the money left in their joint account. Each party claims that they deserve the biggest cut. Both have been hurt by the break-up which is influencing their animosity over the financial dispute. They could:

•  Continue to argue over five years of deposits and receipts and who spent what while the money just sits there.
• Take a step back and concentrate on the end goal which is splitting the money. If they do this 50/50, they will both leave with something.

By agreeing to a 50/50 split and letting go of all of the anger about who is more deserving than the other, both parties get an equal share and can move on with their lives, either going their separate ways or by beginning to build bridges. This compromise allows for a peaceful resolution to the financial conflict, which is taking up both of their energy, leaving them able to start to concentrate on healing emotionally. 

When trying to resolve a dispute peacefully, all parties will benefit from having a safe, impartial and non-judgemental space to discuss their issues and share their perspectives. This is especially important in situations such as a relationship breakdown, as trying to resolve the conflict by meeting in a place that has emotions attached (such as the former marital home) may exacerbate the situation. 

When looking for a venue to have a discussion and try to resolve a dispute, consider finding a neutral location, such as:

• Meeting in a public area (such as a hotel lobby area, quiet café etc)
• Booking a small meeting room
• Meeting at a neighbour or family member’s house
• Moving to a quieter area of a store or going to an office to speak to an angry customer

Technology also allows us to communicate without having to be in the same room. In some cases, it may be possible to conduct a dispute/resolution meeting via video call, such as on Zoom. 

When you are trying to collaborate and compromise, you need to be aware of the concept of confirmation bias. Confirmation bias is the enemy of collaboration because it allows us to ignore and filter out any information that doesn’t align with our preconceived beliefs. To try to overcome this bias think about things from the other person’s perspective, listen to all of the information that is being shared and be open to learning something new.

Understanding and Empathy 

Understanding and empathy also have a key role to play in successful conflict resolution. When we are experiencing conflict with someone, it is easy to get lost in our own thoughts and feelings. When we take the time to shift our perspective and try to see the situation from the other person’s point of view, we can start to better understand how they feel and why they are behaving the way they are. This is not to say that we lose sight of our own goals and objectives, rather, we use our skills in empathy and understanding to propel the situation towards a peaceful resolution. 

• Prioritise understanding first and being understood second
• Try to put yourself in the other person’s position and think about how you would feel and what may make you feel better/worse
• Try to put across how you feel and see things, without denying how they feel things are for them
• Listen carefully and try to understand rather than jump to conclusions
• Seek out truth rather than validation

Part of being empathetic is also about being self-aware. If we are going to resolve a dispute peacefully, we need to be able to handle and control our emotions, as well as recognise and react to emotional cues from others. 

Managing Emotions

During disagreements or difficult conversations, managing our emotions effectively can help us to avoid escalation and think more clearly and rationally. It can be extremely challenging to remain calm and composed during situations of conflict. Managing emotions in order to respond to stimulus in a constructive, productive and appropriate way is sometimes called emotional regulation. 

Being able to emotionally regulate is essential for our wellbeing and mental health. Emotional regulation is especially beneficial during conflict because it reduces negative thinking and helps us to show restraint and dignity, even when we are being challenged by an adversary. 

Here are some strategies you can try to help you to emotionally regulate and maintain a calm demeanour:

• Take breaks when you feel you need to
• Use deep breathing techniques
• Pause and count to ten before responding
• Remember, you are in control of how you respond to stimulus – don’t allow yourself to be antagonised
• Focus on the task in hand rather than getting distracted by the past or external annoyances
• Use positive self-talk (tell yourself ‘You’ve got this’)

Reframing negative thoughts can help you when emotions are running high and you feel yourself spiralling. Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) places the ability to recognise and reframe negative thoughts among its core values. When you feel negative and unhelpful thoughts creep into your head, take a moment to acknowledge them and attempt to replace them with something more positive. 

People who practise techniques that promote self-awareness and inner calm may be better at managing their emotions and overcoming psychological and physical responses to negativity. Common physical responses experienced during conflict may include sweating, heart palpitations, shortness of breath or teeth clenching. 

Techniques such as mindfulness, meditation, deep breathing, mental health journaling and grounding may help with emotional regulation and reduce our negative responses to conflict. 

There are certain phrases or behaviours which are likely to trigger an emotional response in people and make them angry. These should be avoided if you are trying to maintain a calm and peaceful environment, for example:

• Avoid apportioning blame or making excuses
• Try not to start sentences with the word ‘No’ or use negative talk ‘This cannot be done!’
• Don’t criticise the other party (including their behaviour, work, appearance, parenting etc)
• Don’t use hyperbole or embellishment – stick to the facts as you see them
• Avoid hostile or aggressive behaviour, and if it arises, walk away and take a break to allow everyone to calm down

Being engaged in a conflict can be frustrating and stressful for all parties. By directly managing your own emotions and actively avoiding triggering others, you are more likely to reach a positive and peaceful resolution. 

The Role of Mediation in Resolving Disputes Peacefully

Mediation services can be used to resolve disputes between two or more people, businesses or organisations. It is considered a useful strategy for resolving many types of civil disputes peacefully, including money disputes, disagreements over wills and probate, landlord/tenant issues and disputes between neighbours. 

Mediation is a flexible and confidential process that involves employing a third-party mediator who acts as an impartial third party to assist the parties to discuss their dispute, negotiate and hopefully reach a resolution. 

Mediation can be used to prevent an issue from going to court; it is a significantly cheaper and quicker option than a court battle. It can be used as an effective way to resolve a tense situation that is more formal than the parties simply sitting down together, but less formal than a courtroom. 

Mediation has other benefits in peaceful dispute resolution, for example:

• It provides a safe and supportive environment to discuss problems and issues
• It can help to preserve relationships by getting disputes resolved and avoiding a public court battle
• Both parties are able to maintain control and have equal input in how they want the dispute resolving
• Professional mediators are experts in communication and will understand how to de-escalate intense emotions

In some cases, people choose to do informal mediation, where they appoint a third-party person (usually an acquaintance) to help mediate and help resolve the dispute. Their role will be to remain calm and impartial and pass communication between the parties if they won’t speak face to face; mediators are not there to give advice or solve the problem themselves.

Conclusion

We cannot escape conflict, but we can learn to strengthen our problem solving and conflict resolution skills to achieve better outcomes for all parties. By using some of the strategies and techniques we have examined in this article, including open communication, active listening, managing emotions and being empathetic, we can resolve disputes more peacefully and effectively. 

When we adopt a proactive and constructive approach to conflict management in personal, professional and social settings, we can focus on finding solutions rather than problems and begin to replace tension and anger with harmony, understanding and mutual respect. 

Even when our points of view don’t match, we can still find ways to compromise and build bridges. By using conflict management strategies for resolving disputes peacefully, you can turn your conflicts into collaboration and your problems into solutions.