Effective Techniques for Managing Intense Emotions

Some of us naturally experience more intense emotions than others. Our emotions can also be affected by our current situation, the people we surround ourselves with, life events and our hormones. Our mental and physical health can also affect our emotional wellbeing. 

If your emotions are particularly intense or are affecting your day-to-day life, you may benefit from finding ways to manage them. In this article we will look at some effective techniques and strategies for managing intense or extreme emotions. 

About Intense Emotions

Everyone has emotions and we experience them on a spectrum. Typically, we may cycle through different emotions and feelings as we go about our day. If we wake up especially tired and have a bad morning, a stressful commute and end up being late to work, we may feel annoyed or upset all day. Similarly, we can start off our day feeling good but receive bad news or encounter a challenge and this can ruin our good mood. Processing such emotions is a normal part of life; we recognise that we have ups and downs and are able to navigate our way through them. 

Our emotions can also be significantly impacted by negative life events such as the breakdown of a relationship, the death of a loved one or a traumatic experience. Sometimes, we may experience emotions that are intense and even overwhelming and we can start to feel that the emotions are controlling us, rather than us controlling them. 

We also experience emotions more intensely at certain developmental stages of life, such as during our toddler years, before we have developed much impulse control, as well as during adolescence when our hormones are raging. 

Common emotions include:

• Sadness
• Anger
• Anxiety
• Joy
• Fear
• Excitement
• Boredom

Sometimes, when our emotions are very intense, it can distort the way we see the world and the way we react to people and situations. 

Experiencing intense emotions, especially when we are not sure how to process them, can lead to us experiencing:

• Stress
• Overwhelm
• Burnout
• Poor self-esteem
• Outbursts
• Hysteria
• Low mood

Our mental and physical health are inextricably linked. This means that intense emotions can sometimes affect us physically as well as psychologically. We often think of laughing when we are happy or crying when we are sad when we think about expressing emotion, but emotions can affect our bodies in other ways, such as:

• Increasing our heart rate
• Making us feel tired or low in energy
• Making us feel hot or sweaty
• Causing a reduced or increased appetite
• Making us feel nauseous
• Causing us to feel tense or grind our teeth
• Making our breathing quicken
• Intensifying pain

Some emotions can be more problematic than others. Grief, for example, often encompasses a range of emotions that can be very difficult for some people to deal with. Unchecked anger can lead to stress and outbursts and can cause hurt to those around us. If you find it a challenge to keep your emotions under control, you should consider using some techniques to manage them. 

Being able to express ourselves is important; however, intense emotions can take a psychological toll on us, leaving us drained and, at times, caught in a cycle of problematic thinking. 

If intense emotions are causing frequent, serious problems in your life or you are reacting in an emotional way that is disproportionate to your situation, you may be suffering from emotional deregulation. Some people are more prone to experiencing this condition such as:

• People with mental health problems
• People who are neurodivergent (emotional dysregulation is a core symptom in ADHD and autism, particularly in children)
• People with damage to certain parts of their brains
• People who experienced childhood trauma or severe neglect

Emotional dysregulation differs from simply experiencing intense emotions. The condition often causes significant conflict in our relationships or work life and may be characterised by:

• Mood swings
• High anxiety
• Severe depression
• High levels of shame and anger
• Risky behaviours (including excessive drug/alcohol use or risky sexual behaviour)

If you have any serious concerns about your emotional state or mental health, you should make an appointment to speak to your GP to rule out underlying causes or to access appropriate treatment. If you are suffering from emotion dysregulation you may still find many of the strategies discussed in this article useful and you can use them to complement other treatment options prescribed to you.

Mindfulness and Emotional Awareness

Mindfulness is a technique that teaches us to focus on the present moment. It can help us to feel more centred and relaxed. 

Mindfulness is a special way of mental focus where you are hyper aware of the present moment and what is going on around you, being ‘present’ (or mindfully aware) and observing without judging. 

When we are being mindful, we can acknowledge the present (including our thoughts, feelings and situation) without reacting to it or feeling overwhelmed by it. Mindfulness can support emotional regulation as it helps to build skills that help us accept our current state and become more self-aware. In turn, this can help us to become less reactive and reduce feelings of overwhelm.  

You do not have to meditate alone to experience mindfulness; you can take a mindful walk in the park, for example, where you might pause to appreciate the colour of the sky or the sounds of leaves as they rustle in the wind. 

Being mindful can help reduce unhelpful and intrusive or disruptive thoughts. 

Mindfulness can also help with:

• Reducing stress and anxiety
• Relaxation
• Promoting inner peace
• Regulating our emotions

Mindfulness can also be combined with meditation. Meditation involves sitting quietly and clearing or focusing the mind based on a particular mantra, word or intention. It can be accompanied by deep breathing techniques which deepen our state of relaxation and make us feel more grounded and in control. 

Breathing Exercises

Deep breathing exercises (also known as diaphragmatic breathing) can promote relaxation. This type of breathing involves breathing deeply, engaging the diaphragm and trying to fill the abdomen with air. This type of breathing can lower our blood pressure, increase oxygen levels in the blood and lower cortisol (the stress hormone). 

To help you to relax, you can easily try out a deep breathing style practice:

• Take a comfortable position and place a hand on your lower ribs and one on your abdomen.
• Take a deep breath in through your nose.
• Hold it for a few seconds then exhale slowly through your mouth.
• You should aim to feel your rib cage expanding as you fill your abdominal area with air. Notice how your lower rib cage moves inwards as you empty the air out.

Deep breathing exercises can be done lying down (supine position) or sitting down, either on the floor or in a chair. 

If you want to feel calmer or more centred, you can try out some other breathing that is commonly used within yoga (also called yogic breathing) such as:

Alternate nostril breathing – this practice involves alternating inhaling and exhaling through your left and right nostrils:

• Hold your right hand over your nose, extending your thumb, ring finger and little finger.
• Gently press your thumb against your right nostril to close it.
• Inhale through your left nostril, then close it with your ring finger.
• Open your right nostril and exhale slowly through it.
• Inhale through the right nostril then close it.
• Open your left nostril and exhale slowly through it.

The above instructions complete one cycle of alternate nostril breathing. You can repeat 3 to 5 cycles of breath.

Rapid breathing technique – also known as breath of fire or skull shining breath, this is an ancient type of breathing exercise that is thought to improve focus and concentration and boost energy levels:

• Take a deep, full breath in and exhale.
• Inhale again and exhale in short, sharp bursts, contracting your abdomen to ‘force’ the breath out.
• Repeat for several sets, up to one minute.

This practice focuses on breathing through the nose. It can take some time to master but if you are curious to learn more there are a number of online videos available to guide you through the practice.

Using controlled breathing techniques can help to calm our emotions because they remind us that we have a sense of control over our physical self and body functions. The controlled rhythmic movements and patterns of breath also take our focus inwards, towards ourselves, tuning out some of the worries swirling around in our minds for a period of time and giving us a break.

Emotional Regulation Techniques

Emotional regulation describes our ability to manage and respond to an emotional experience. Being able to regulate our emotions is an important life skill that helps us to control our emotions, act less impulsively and make decisions that have positive outcomes.

Strategies and techniques that can help with regulating intense emotions include:

• Cognitive reappraisal – changing the way we think about an emotion
• Emotional distancing – creating psychological space from an emotion

Cognitive reappraisal (also referred to as cognitive reframing or cognitive restructuring) involves identifying a negative pattern that your thoughts have fallen into and shifting your thoughts to become more helpful and realistic. When we change the way we think or perceive a situation, we can reduce our sense of overwhelm, feel more in control and start to get some emotional balance.

When we are experiencing an intense emotion, we can start to see everything through the lens of this emotion. For example, when someone has made us angry, we can start to feel angry about every small thing that occurs, even things that would not normally provoke us. This can easily lead to stress or overwhelm and can make us prone to overreact to situations or stimulus.

Cognitive reappraisal is a powerful tool that can help us to:

• Regulate our emotions
• Improve our problem solving skills
• Manage our feelings
• Avoid getting caught in negative thought cycles
• Ensure our reactions are proportionate and realistic

When our feelings are starting to overwhelm us, sometimes we need to distract or distance ourselves from these feelings for a period of time. Whilst distraction can involve a physical activity (doing something you enjoy or otherwise occupying your brain), emotional distancing refers to creating internal space, in your mind. This can be challenging to accomplish when your emotions are taking over.

Creating emotional distance from our feelings and emotions is not the same as ignoring them or failing to deal with them. When we create emotional distance, we acknowledge and accept our feelings in the present moment and make a commitment to ourselves to deal with them later, when we are feeling stronger and less overwhelmed.

Sometimes, using visualisation can help with emotional distancing:

• Imagine that you are writing your feelings down in a book and closing it
• Think about putting all of your feelings and emotions into a big box and sealing it shut
• Visualise your emotions as a shape or object and imagine it becoming smaller and smaller

Sometimes, when our emotions are being triggered by people, places or events we need to create physical space as well as emotional space, such as:

• Taking a break from work
• Having some time out from a relationship or friendship
• Taking some ‘me time’ to unwind
• Going on holiday

Creating space can help us to regulate our emotions; however, it is not practical, or possible, to outrun our feelings. Whilst taking a psychological or physical break can help in the short term, you need to build up long-term resilience to deal with your emotions. Strengthening your skills within emotional regulation will help you to face, overcome and tackle challenging situations or emotions head-on. 

Grounding Techniques

Like mindfulness, grounding techniques are used to refocus attention on the present moment and distract us from overwhelming emotions or anxious feelings. They can help us to distance ourselves from negative thoughts or upsetting feelings by shifting our focus onto a thought, physical sensation or an aspect of the world around us. 

Grounding techniques can increase our emotional wellbeing and are especially useful for dealing with stress or anxiety. They are simple, easy to do and can be performed just about anywhere. 

Grounding techniques often include activities that fit into one of the following six categories (although you can mix and match them or even make up your own grounding techniques):

• The five senses (taste, touch, sight, smell, hearing)
• The physical body
• Self-soothing techniques
• Observation techniques
• Breathing
• Distraction

If you are feeling overwhelmed by intense emotions you may find some of the following grounding techniques useful:

• Put your hands into cold water or hold ice
• Dig your heels into the floor and feel connected to the earth (literally grounding yourself)
• Focus on your breathing, take a deep breath, hold your breath for a certain number of seconds and release it slowly then repeat
• Count from 1 to 10 or down from 10 to 1
• Look around the room and notice 5 things you can see or 5 things you can hear
• Take a warm shower, noticing the sound of the running water, the way it feels against your skin, the patterns the steam makes on the shower screen
• Pick an object and describe it in detail to yourself (noting the size, shape, colour, texture etc)
• Repeat a word or affirmation in your head
• Rub your hand against something textured, such as soft or shiny material
• Keep a grounding object in your pocket that you can touch, hold or roll between your fingers, such as a special coin or smooth stone

When we are experiencing intense emotions, we often start to overthink or panic and it is easy to get overwhelmed. Grounding can help to quieten the negative chatter in our brains and help us to feel more centred and in control of our situation. It is also a way to anchor us back into the present if we are getting lost in our thoughts and feelings. 

Journaling and Self-Expression

From the paintings of Vincent Van Gogh to the writings of Sylvia Plath, throughout history, some of the best artwork, poetry, stories and music have happened when the creators were in the process of experiencing intense emotions. Mexican born painter Frida Kahlo, for example, was famous for the quote:

 ‘The most powerful art in life is to transform pain into a healing talisman.’

She used art to express the pain caused by her ill health and turbulent love life, creating intense and sometimes surreal portraits. Kahlo often juxtaposed vibrant colour schemes with dark subject matter. 

Channelling your intense emotions into a creative outlet allows you to express yourself freely. Using an artistic medium to convey complex, problematic feelings is beneficial when you don’t want to talk about your emotions, or don’t know how to explain yourself. 

You can try expressing yourself through any creative medium you wish, including:

• Creative writing
• Art
• Music

Try not to worry about your artistic skills when you are expressing yourself and focus instead on the creative process and the meaning behind the finished product. Who knows, you may also unleash some hidden creative talent you never knew you had!

Journaling, or writing down your inner thoughts and feelings, is known to be beneficial for our mental health. By writing down your frustrations, struggles and how you are feeling, you can start to process your emotions and identify and let go of anxious thoughts. 

Journaling may also help you to:

• Focus
• Be more organised
• Set goals
• Improve problem solving skills
• Overcome fears/anxieties

You can journal by writing by hand in a book or you can keep notes online, or even on your phone. If you are journaling for your mental health, it is usually most beneficial to try to do so in a semi-structured way and make time each day to write some notes in your journal. 

Whether you are expressing yourself through journaling or a different creative medium, self-compassion is key. It is important to set realistic expectations and practise positive self-talk, especially when you are feeling emotionally vulnerable. 

Seeking Support

If you are dealing with intense emotions, it is important not to suffer in silence. Whilst we have discussed a number of self-help techniques in this article, typically, we benefit from having a support network around us. Consider discussing your feelings with friends, family, colleagues, teachers or even a professional such as a therapist. 

If you need help with controlling your thoughts, behaviour or emotions, you may benefit from trying out psychotherapy, such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). CBT is an effective treatment which aims to help you identify problematic thoughts and reframe them.

If you find that you are caught up in intense, negative emotions, try to remember that nothing is actually as bad as it seems right now. Take steps to create psychological space between yourself, your feelings and the situation and think how an observer might see things differently to how you are seeing things. 

Remember to:

• Surround yourself with positive people
• Take breaks from anyone who makes you feel bad about yourself
• Talk about your emotions rather than keeping them bottled up
• Use coping mechanisms as well as getting support from others
• Explore professional therapy options
• Speak to yourself kindly

Healthy Lifestyle Habits

Our physical and mental wellbeing are interconnected. In order to feel at our best, it is important to take care of our bodies and minds. This includes eating a healthy, balanced, diet, staying hydrated, reducing stress and getting enough high-quality sleep. 

Tips to build healthy lifestyle habits:

• Practise good sleep hygiene
• Aim for at least 8 hours of sleep a night
• Use positive coping mechanisms for stress (meditation, mindfulness, exercise) rather than negative ones (drugs, alcohol, getting angry)
• Try to eat at least five portions of fruit and vegetables a day
• Drink at least two litres of water every day
• Try to reduce caffeine intake, swap for herbal teas, fruit infusions or decaffeinated coffee
• Spend time in nature and green spaces as this has been proven to improve mental wellbeing
• Make fun plans and do activities that you enjoy such as listening to music, dancing or seeing friends
• Hormonal imbalance and vitamin deficiencies can affect our emotional state – if you are worried about your emotional health, visit your GP for a blood test to rule out these causes

You may find that certain things (people, places, words, songs) trigger an intense emotional response in you. In addition to learning ways to manage and control your emotions, you may want to try to reduce your exposure to these triggers until you feel confident in your ability to emotionally regulate.