Techniques for Supporting Loved Ones Battling Depression

Depression is a commonly occurring yet serious mental health condition that affects millions of people worldwide. According to the Office for National Statistics, approximately 1 in 6 adults in the UK experiences moderate to severe depression. It manifests through persistent feelings of sadness, hopelessness and a lack of interest or pleasure in activities. Beyond the emotional difficulties associated with depression, it can also lead to physical symptoms such as fatigue, changes in sleep patterns and changes in appetite. Depression can disrupt daily functioning and make even routine tasks feel overwhelming.

The effects of depression extend far beyond just the individual’s mood. It can strain relationships, affect job performance and hinder personal growth. Everyday tasks and responsibilities can become challenging, from managing personal responsibilities to maintaining social connections. Additionally, depression often leads to isolation, as individuals may withdraw from friends, family and activities they once enjoyed. This can exacerbate feelings of loneliness and despair and create a negative cycle that impacts both mental and physical health.

Support from loved ones plays an important role in the recovery process for individuals battling depression. Positive and understanding relationships can provide a sense of hope and reassurance, which is vital for someone struggling with depression. Loved ones can offer practical assistance, emotional support and a safe space for open communication, all of which are integral to the healing journey. Encouragement and support not only help individuals feel valued and understood but can also motivate them to seek professional treatment and adhere to treatment plans.

Understanding Depression

Depression is a mental health condition characterised by a persistent feeling of sadness or a loss of interest in activities once enjoyed. Depression is more than feeling sad or fed up or having low energy for a few days. The majority of people go through a period of low mood at some point in their lives, particularly in relation to a specific life event. However, these negative emotions are typically short-lived and resolvable. On the other hand, depression is a persistent mood disorder that lasts for weeks, months or even years. 

Depression affects people in different ways and people can experience different symptoms. To be diagnosed with depression, you typically need to experience symptoms most of the time, for a minimum of two weeks, and your symptoms should interfere with your daily activities.

Although the signs and symptoms of depression can vary, they generally include:

Emotional symptoms:

• Persistent sadness: Feeling overwhelmingly sad, empty or hopeless. This can manifest as being tearful or withdrawn in some people, whereas others may not show outward signs of sadness.
• Irritability: Increased frustration or anger over minor issues.
• Guilt or worthlessness: Excessive feelings of guilt or worthlessness, often out of proportion to the situation.
• Absence of joy: Finding no or very little happiness in anything and not getting any enjoyment out of life, even when presented with things or people they usually love.
• Feeling anxious or worried.

Physical symptoms:

• Fatigue: Chronic tiredness or loss of energy, even with adequate rest.
• Sleep disturbances: Insomnia (difficulty falling or staying asleep) or hypersomnia (sleeping excessively).
• Appetite changes: Significant weight loss or gain due to changes in appetite which can also include changes in eating habits (e.g. overeating or undereating).
• Physical pain: Unexplained aches and pains, such as headaches or back pain, that are not attributable to other causes.
• Increased sensitivity to sensory inputs: A heightened sensitivity to sensory stimuli, such as noise or lights, with this input causing the person pain or agitation or triggering negative emotions.
• Loss of libido: Having little or no sex drive.

Cognitive symptoms:

• Difficulty concentrating: Trouble focusing, making decisions or remembering things.
• Negative thought patterns: Persistent negative thoughts about oneself, life or the future.
• Lack of motivation or interest in things.
• Low self-esteem.
• Suicidal thoughts: Recurrent thoughts of death or suicide or specific plans or attempts to commit suicide.

Behavioural symptoms:

• Social withdrawal: Avoidance of social interactions, friends and family and isolation from usual activities, e.g. hobbies.
• Neglect of responsibilities: Failure to perform daily tasks, such as work, school or household chores.
• Reduced motivation: Lack of interest or pleasure in activities once enjoyed, including hobbies and social activities.
• Having difficulties in your home, work or family life.
• Physical agitation: Noticeable restlessness, such as pacing or hand-wringing.
• Physical slowness: Noticeably slower movements and speech, as though the person doesn’t have the energy or desire to move or engage in conversation.

Depression can have a profound impact on various aspects of an individual’s life, including their daily functioning. Simple tasks, such as going to work, managing household chores or maintaining personal hygiene, can become overwhelming. The lack of energy and motivation can lead to missed responsibilities and decreased productivity. The lack of energy, lack of motivation and concentration issues many people with depression experience can also affect job performance or academic achievements and lead to increased absences or decreased performance.

Individuals with depression may withdraw from family and friends, which can lead to strained or broken relationships. Communication can become difficult and interactions may be marked by irritability or emotional distance. Loved ones might also feel helpless or frustrated, which further complicates interpersonal dynamics. Additionally, depression often results in neglect of self-care routines, including proper nutrition, exercise and sleep, further exacerbating physical and mental health issues and making it more difficult for a person to break out of the depressive cycle.

Common Misconceptions and Stigma Associated with Depression

Depression is often misunderstood and various misconceptions and stigmas can create barriers to seeking help and receiving adequate support. Some common misconceptions are:

• Misconception: Depression is just feeling sad.
• Reality: Depression is more than just occasional sadness. It is a complex mental health disorder that includes persistent emotional, physical, cognitive and behavioural symptoms that can severely impair daily functioning.

• Misconception: People are being dramatic and should just snap out of it.
• Reality: Depression is not something people can simply overcome through willpower. It often requires a combination of treatments, including therapy, medication and lifestyle changes, to manage effectively.

• Misconception: Depression only affects weak or sensitive people.
• Reality: Depression can affect anyone, regardless of their strength, personality or background. It is a medical condition with biological, psychological and environmental factors.

• Misconception: You have to have a reason to be depressed.
• Reality: Depression doesn’t always have a clear cause. It can occur without a specific triggering event or it may develop due to a combination of factors, including genetics, brain chemistry and life circumstances.

• Misconception: People with depression are just attention-seeking.
• Reality: Depression is a serious and often debilitating condition. Individuals struggling with depression are not seeking attention but are experiencing genuine distress that requires understanding and support.

As a result of these misconceptions, a lot of stigma still exists which can be extremely harmful for those experiencing depression. Judgement or negative attitudes towards people with depression can result in discrimination or social exclusion. As well as social stigma, individuals can also experience self-stigma, where they internalise negative beliefs about depression which leads to feelings of shame, worthlessness and self-blame. Self-stigma can prevent individuals from seeking necessary treatment due to fears of being judged or labelled.

Stigma and misconceptions can create workplace concerns and cause people to fear the professional repercussions of their depression. Concerns about job security, career prospects or mental health discrimination at work can discourage individuals from disclosing their condition or seeking professional help, which prevents them from getting the support they need, both in their personal lives and in the workplace.

Media portrayals and societal stereotypes can reinforce misconceptions about depression and contribute to stigma and misinformation. Additionally, societal norms and the additional stigma in some cultures and religions can make it more difficult for people to seek help. In some cultures, mental illness is stigmatised or misunderstood, which can impact individuals’ willingness to discuss their experiences or seek help.

Techniques for Providing Support

There are many ways you can provide support to people experiencing depression, including:

• Active listening
  It is important to listen without judgement. Ensure that your loved one feels heard and understood, rather than feeling pressured to ‘fix’ their problems immediately. Sometimes, people just want you to listen rather than for you to offer an immediate solution. Create a safe space for open communication by focusing solely on listening. Avoid interrupting or interjecting with solutions, even if your intention is to help. Some techniques to show you are listening empathetically and provide validation are:
  – Reflective listening: Paraphrase what your loved one has shared to show that you understand their feelings.
  – Validation: Acknowledge their emotions and experiences without minimising them.
  – Non-verbal cues: Use eye contact, nodding and a calm, supportive tone to convey empathy and attentiveness.
• Encourage professional help
  Bring up the idea of professional help in a non-confrontational way and gently encourage the individual to seek support. You can help them to schedule an appointment with their GP or help them find a therapist by researching options together. Ensure they know you’re willing to support them through the process. Mental health professionals are trained to provide evidence-based treatments and offer the appropriate support.
• Offer practical assistance
  Someone experiencing depression may struggle with daily tasks and responsibilities. It can be helpful to assist with tasks like cooking, cleaning or grocery shopping, which can feel overwhelming for someone experiencing depression. You can also offer to help with administrative tasks, such as paying bills, helping them to organise their medication or setting up reminders for them to take their medication.
• Create a supportive environment
  It is important to create a positive and non-judgemental environment where the individual feels safe and accepted. Avoid criticism or judgemental comments about their condition or behaviours and instead provide encouragement and celebrate small successes and progress in their journey.
• Encourage healthy habits
  It can be helpful to encourage participation in physical activities, even simple ones like walking or stretching, which can help improve mood and energy levels. Additionally, promoting balanced eating habits and offering to help prepare nutritious meals can be beneficial as good nutrition can support overall mental and physical health. Try not to sound judgemental or condescending when encouraging healthy habits as this can be more harmful.
• Set boundaries
  Although you may want to provide help and support, it is important to recognise your own needs and limits. Ensure you are also taking time for self-care and managing your own stress to maintain your well-being. Set clear boundaries about what you can and cannot do. This helps prevent burnout and maintains a healthy balance in the caregiving relationship.
• Recognise when to seek additional help or support
  If the situation becomes too challenging to handle alone, consider seeking advice from mental health professionals or support groups for additional guidance. Be aware of crisis intervention resources and be prepared to seek immediate help if your loved one exhibits signs of a mental health crisis or suicidal thoughts.

Managing Communication

Effective communication is essential when supporting a loved one battling depression. Creating a safe and supportive environment begins with choosing a private and comfortable setting where your loved one feels secure to open up without fear of judgement or interruption. Being present and attentive is key. You can show genuine interest in their feelings by maintaining eye contact, nodding in agreement and using verbal affirmations such as, ‘I understand’ or ‘I’m here for you’. Avoid distractions such as phones or other devices to ensure that your attention remains focused on the conversation.

You can encourage open dialogue by asking open-ended questions that invite more than just yes or no responses, as this can help your loved one express themselves more fully. It is important to allow pauses and moments of silence, which can give them the space to gather their thoughts and articulate their feelings.

Expressing empathy and support is essential in validating their emotions. Acknowledge their struggles and reassure them of your support. Honesty and transparency are also important; share your own feelings and concerns honestly but do so sensitively, without coming across as judgemental.

However, there are common pitfalls to avoid in these conversations. Minimising their feelings by making statements such as ‘It’s not that bad’, ‘I’ve been through worse’ or ‘I don’t understand what you could be sad about’, can be hurtful and invalidating. Instead, focus on understanding their perspective and acknowledging their reality. Similarly, be cautious about offering unsolicited advice. Before suggesting solutions, ensure that you have fully understood their situation and ask if they are open to receiving advice. Respect their preferences for whether they want solutions or just someone to listen.

Avoid overgeneralising or making assumptions about their feelings or needs. Each person’s experience with depression is unique, so ask clarifying questions to better understand their specific situation. Additionally, be mindful of not being overly persistent. If they are not ready to talk or seem overwhelmed, respect their boundaries and give them space. Let them know you are available to listen whenever they are ready to share.

Encouraging Self-Care and Coping Strategies

Supporting a loved one with depression involves more than just providing emotional support, it also includes encouraging practices that promote their overall well-being and relaxation. One effective approach is to promote activities that help improve both physical and mental health. Encouraging regular exercise can be particularly beneficial. Physical activity, even in small amounts, can help alleviate symptoms of depression by releasing endorphins, improving sleep patterns and enhancing overall energy levels. Activities such as walking, yoga or gentle stretching can be a great start. Additionally, promoting relaxation techniques such as mindfulness, meditation or deep breathing exercises can help manage stress and improve mood. These practices can provide a sense of calm and control, which is valuable in managing the symptoms of depression.

Another important aspect of self-care is supporting your loved one’s involvement in hobbies and interests. Engaging in activities that they once enjoyed or exploring new interests can help restore a sense of purpose and pleasure. Hobbies, whether they involve creative pursuits like painting, playing a musical instrument or crafting or more leisurely activities like reading or gardening, can offer a constructive distraction from negative thoughts and provide opportunities for personal fulfilment. Encouraging them to reconnect with activities that spark joy or to try new ones can be a gentle way to reintroduce positivity into their life.

It could also be beneficial to help them set small, achievable goals related to these activities. Breaking tasks into manageable steps can make them feel less overwhelming and more attainable. Celebrating their efforts and progress, no matter how small, can also help build their confidence and reinforce their engagement in these self-care practices.

Incorporating these strategies into their daily routine, while being patient and supportive, can help create a foundation for improved mental health and overall well-being. By supporting your loved one to engage in activities that promote relaxation and encouraging participation in enjoyable hobbies, you can play a significant role in supporting their journey towards recovery.

Dealing with Crisis Situations

Identifying a mental health crisis or suicidal thoughts is essential for providing timely support. Warning signs of a crisis may include drastic changes in mood or behaviour, such as extreme sadness, hopelessness or agitation. Individuals might express feelings of being trapped, experience overwhelming despair or show a lack of interest in activities they previously enjoyed. Specifically, signs of suicidal thoughts can involve verbal clues like statements about wanting to die, feeling like a burden or expressing a belief that things will never improve. Other concerning behaviours include withdrawing from social interactions, engaging in self-destructive actions or making preparations for their own absence, such as giving away possessions.

If you suspect that your loved one is in immediate danger of self-harm or suicide, it is essential to act quickly and calmly.

• Ensure safety: Remove any potential means for self-harm if possible, such as sharp objects or medications.
• Stay with them: Keep them company and engage them in conversation to provide comfort and reassurance. Avoid making judgements or giving commands.
• Contact emergency services: Call 999 or take them to the nearest A&E department if you believe they are in imminent danger.
• Inform professionals: Reach out to their GP or mental health professional to notify them of the situation for further guidance and support.

Having access to emergency support resources can be lifesaving during a crisis. In a true emergency, it is recommended to contact:

• NHS and police emergency services
  – Phone: 999
  – 999 should be used for immediate help in life-threatening situations. If you believe someone is at immediate risk of harming themselves or others, call 999 for urgent assistance.
• NHS 111
  – Phone: 111
  – Website: NHS 111
  – 111 provides 24/7 medical advice and can direct you to appropriate services if you are unsure whether to go to A&E or need immediate support (but it is not an emergency).

Long-Term Support and Patience

Recovery from depression is rarely a quick or linear journey. Instead, it often involves a gradual process of improvement and setbacks. It’s important to recognise that progress may be slow and have ups and downs and that recovery is different for everyone. Patience and persistence are essential as your loved one works through their challenges. Recovery might involve managing symptoms, adjusting to new treatments and making gradual lifestyle changes. Understanding this can help you remain supportive and avoid frustration or disillusionment when progress seems slow. Acknowledging that ups and downs are a normal part of the healing process can also help set realistic expectations for both you and your loved one.

Offering continuous support and encouragement can make a significant difference in your loved one’s recovery journey. Regular check-ins, whether through a phone call, text or in-person visit, show that you care and are available to provide support. Encourage them to adhere to their treatment plan, including attending therapy sessions and taking prescribed medications. Offer to accompany them to appointments if they find this comforting. Additionally, finding ways to engage in activities together can provide a positive distraction and strengthen your bond. Simple gestures, such as preparing a favourite meal or participating in a shared hobby, can offer comfort and reinforce that you are there for them.

Support also involves being attentive to their needs and adapting your approach as their situation evolves. Encourage open dialogue about what types of support they find most helpful and be flexible in adjusting your support to meet those needs. Avoid pressuring them to ‘snap out of it’ and don’t try to rush their recovery. Instead, provide encouragement and reassurance. Celebrate small victories and milestones along the way, such as achieving personal goals or making positive changes, to help build their confidence and motivation.

Managing expectations involves understanding that recovery is a complex and individualised process. It’s essential to set realistic goals and recognise that progress may come in small, incremental steps. Avoid setting rigid timelines for recovery and instead focus on supporting your loved one through each stage of their journey. Celebrate even the smallest achievements, such as improvements in mood, increased engagement in daily activities or positive feedback from therapy. Celebrating these milestones can help reinforce a sense of accomplishment and provide motivation to continue striving for further progress.

Additionally, acknowledging and celebrating progress can boost morale and provide a sense of hope. This could involve verbal praise, small rewards or special outings to recognise their efforts and successes. By maintaining a supportive and encouraging attitude, you can help your loved one stay motivated and engaged in their recovery process.

Resources and Support Network

Several organisations provide valuable support and resources for individuals dealing with depression, as well as for their families and friends. Here are some key organisations in the UK:

• Samaritans
  Phone: 116 123
  Website: Samaritans
  The Samaritans provide confidential support 24/7 for anyone in distress, feeling overwhelmed or in need of someone to talk to. They respond to a call for help every 10 seconds and are committed to preventing suicide. They can be contacted by phone, email, letter and online chat and some Samaritans branches offer face-to-face support.
• Shout
  Text Service: Text SHOUT to 85258
  Website: Shout
  A free, confidential 24/7 text messaging service for anyone in a crisis. This service is for those who need immediate support and prefer texting over speaking.
• Mind
  Phone: 0300 123 3393
  Website: Mind
  Mind offers support and advice for anyone experiencing mental health problems. Their Infoline provides information about mental health issues and helps with finding local support.
• Childline
  Phone: 0800 1111
  Website: Childline
  Provides free, confidential support for children and young people up to age 19. They offer counselling on any issue that concerns them, including mental health issues and suicidal thoughts. Young people or their family members can contact Childline by phone, email or 1-2-1 chat with a counsellor.

As well as support for the person experiencing depression, family and friends may also benefit from support. Support groups provide a valuable space for family members and friends to share their experiences, seek advice and gain emotional support while navigating the challenges of supporting a loved one with depression.

• Mind
  Mind offers support for those affected by mental health issues, including their families and friends. They provide a safe environment to share experiences and receive support. Mind also offers education and links to social care support for those acting in a carer role.
• Family Lives
  Family Lives provides support and advice for families dealing with a range of issues, including mental health challenges. They offer helplines and online forums for discussing concerns and seeking support. Family Lives has been supporting families for more than 40 years.
• Carers UK
  Carers UK offers information, advice and support to carers. They offer help and advice on issues such as Carer’s Allowance, financial support and practical support. They have a helpline, online support and advice on how to get in-person support. Carers UK also teaches carers how to look after themselves, as well as the person they are caring for.

Personal Stories and Experiences

Emmy’s experience of depression: A story of family support

Emmy, a 32-year-old graphic designer, struggled with severe depression after the loss of a close friend. She began to feel like she didn’t want to be here anymore and didn’t deserve to be happy when her friend was dead. Emmy quit the job she loved and stopped going out.  During this challenging time, her family played an important role in her recovery. Her sister, Sera, noticed Emmy’s declining mental health and decided to take proactive steps. She researched local mental health resources, including support groups and therapists, and gently encouraged Emmy to seek professional help. Sera also made sure Emmy didn’t feel isolated by temporarily moving in with her, cooking meals and engaging in calming activities like walks in the park.

With Sera’s unwavering support, Emmy visited her GP, began attending therapy and found solace in a local support group. She later reflected, ‘I don’t know where I would be without my sister’s support. Her patience and understanding gave me the strength to seek help and start my recovery journey. Knowing she was there for me made all the difference in the world’. Emmy is now back at work and no longer feels overwhelming sadness and despair. She can now think of happy memories of her friend without feeling unable to cope.

Sidra’s experience with supporting a partner

Sidra, a 29-year-old marketing professional, found herself supporting her husband, Jael, through a challenging period of depression. Although Sidra promised to support her husband through sickness and health, she didn’t expect the challenges that came with supporting a partner with depression.

She describes the experience as both rewarding and demanding. Sidra made a conscious effort to balance her support with self-care by joining a support group for partners of individuals with mental health issues. This provided her with coping strategies and a community of people who understood her struggles. Although supporting Jael was emotionally exhausting at times, the support group helped Sidra to manage her own stress and more effectively support Jael. She also learned how important it is to look after herself. Now both Sidra and Jael are doing much better and Jael is managing his depression successfully.

Mike’s journey supporting his adult child

Mike, a 52-year-old retired firefighter, shares his experience of supporting his adult daughter, Lucy, through her battle with depression. Mike really struggled to see his little girl going through a hard time and felt like he just wanted to ‘fix’ her. Lucy moved back home and began to rely on Mike for everything, which put a lot of strain on Mike, his relationship with Lucy and his relationship with his partner Gary.

Mike learned the importance of setting boundaries and managing expectations. He found that while his initial instinct was to solve Lucy’s problems, listening and offering practical support, such as helping with errands or attending therapy sessions, was more effective. He began to gently encourage Lucy to become more independent, spend time with her friends and return to painting, a hobby she had previously loved. Mike also sought support from his friend Sandra, who had previously had depression.

Now, Mike and Lucy’s relationship is stronger than ever and Lucy is once again living independently. She is successfully managing her depression with medication and therapy and is feeling extremely hopeful about the future. Mike reflected, ‘It was difficult at first to accept that I couldn’t fix everything for Lucy. However, learning to offer support without overstepping boundaries helped her more. Celebrating her small victories, like attending a therapy session or managing a challenging day, kept us both motivated and hopeful’.